Have you ever hesitated to “pull the trigger” on a blog post? I’ve been sitting on three blog posts for two weeks now and I still haven’t been able to publish them. So, here I am attempting to get to the root of what’s holding me back, which I figured may help you too. So buckle up and let’s take this ride together.
What’s the Deal?
For the majority of my blog posts, I write about business giving tips and more to grow a business online. From mindset to taking action, you can find it here. However, I have been inundated with personal issues that have been holding me back for the last two weeks.
To help me deal with my latest family issues, and I’ve had many up until now (I’m 43), I aimed to blog about my head and what goes on in it. Before I really get into what’s holding me back, I want to say that I’m not having issues with my immediate family – my wife and two sons. No, my issues have stemmed from those that raised me and were in my life during those formative years.
It’s Crazy, I Know!
I accept it, what’s holding me back is craziness and all in my head. However, when one puts his or her heart on a sleeve, there comes a lot of emotion – which is something I’m not used to sharing with people.
I used to bottle that emotional shit up and it would explode in ways that were (and still can be) very self destructive. From punching walls to burning my arms, that’s how I deal with pain and it was all holding me back.
I’ve always had issues when it comes to coping with certain aspects of life. For too many years I never felt like I was good enough for anything. That feeling would amplify when people would put me down by calling me stupid, ugly, useless, and so much more. My family was never this cruel, they were unknowingly more subtle. However, I had an employer that would talk to me like that daily and I couldn’t cope. I spent many years smoking pot to deal with that kind of bullshit.
Needless to say, my coping skills have truly sucked and have been holding me back in life and living to my fullest potential.
Not Going Into Details
The posts that I haven’t published are where my details are. I started typing one blog post and one hour later I had almost 4,000 words typed – which is way too long for a blog post. Obviously, I have a lot of shit to put out there and some if it is going to piss some family members off. I speak my truths but it’s critical to remember that a truth is based on perspective and all I have is my perspective. At any rate, this post isn’t about my history, it’s about breaking what’s holding me back…baby steps!
Holding Me Back
Once I break up my 4,000 word post into three or so, you’ll find out why things and circumstances hold me back. Until then, you’ll have to settle for ways that I now cope! Coping with depression, unworthiness, fear, aggression, and abandonment have been real in my life. It’s taken many years to get where I’m at now, with the help of my wife, counseling, self analyzing, and finding God.
I met my wife when I was 19 and we’ve been together ever since. When we met, I was playing in a band and she was coerced by her friend to come and check us out. She didn’t want to but she finally gave in and I am so thankful for that. We hit it off really well and our relationship moved fast. Within in a year we were engaged and in the next year we were married. My wife is my rock and my life-guide. Without her, I don’t know who I would be right now. She learned quickly that I was damaged but she loved me (sometimes I don’t know how). She was the one that convinced me to go back to school and get my Grade 12 education. I thought I was too stupid for school and called my very first test, a grade level placement test, an “idiot test”. Throughout my 23 years and counting with my wife, she has helped in more ways than I can count to prevent me from holding me back.
Because of a sever accident I had in my 30s, I fell into a sever depression that lasted more than two years. Near the end of that depression, my wife convinced me to go and get some counseling. After bucking that notion, I finally did. It was great to be able to talk to an unbiased person so that I could be walked through and out of my depression. I also required antidepressants and stayed on them for about a year. This was pivotal for healing me, along side the fact that I wanted/needed to be healed. If you are in a state of deep depression, force yourself to get some counseling, you will not regret it.
Self analyzing has been the most fundamental and healing part of my life. It led me to my last point, finding God and it lessened the grips of these aspects of life that were holding me back. There is no easy road for self analyzing because when you do, you’re looking within yourself to see where you go wrong, so that you can make things right. I have been learning a lot about myself and continue to learn more everyday. Just the other day my wife told me that my sarcasm or choice of words (with intent) can be hurtful. At first I didn’t understand this but through a bit of thinking I realized she was right. Another form of self analyzing taught me that my words can and do hurt and now I’m taking measures to stop it.
Over these last couple years I have learned that the world doesn’t owe me shit and that I shouldn’t be so bitter when things go wrong. 90% of my negative thoughts are thoughts derived by how I deal with circumstances, instead of the actual circumstances affecting me. To realize this, to understand that I am responsible, was hard but very rewarding. I no longer get mad at people for how I feel or what happens to me. I’ve taken ownership of this aspect of me so that when I fail at shit, and I do, I can only blame myself and learn from my mistakes. Once learned, I can implement a new way to try (responses – actions) and keep going until I get it right.
Do you see the power of that?
I’m not going to get all preachy and start quoting scripture but I will say this; for many years I was faithless and thought all theologies were stupid with stupid people in all religions. I was an atheist and very bull-headed about it. I would engage online Christian warriors and argue points for days. Because of self analyzing, I came to realize in the last year that there was a hollow in me and I didn’t know why. I was on the right path of self development, becoming a better human being but yet I was still feeling an emptiness – and that was bothering me. That hollowness was holding me back from my potential as a human and as an entrepreneur.
My wife has been going to church for well over 10 years now and she prayed a lot for the binders to be removed from my eyes. Again, my wife has pulled me from my own darkness and shown me something that I’ve found to be true. I have a growing faith in me and I’m very thankful for it.
The Best Growth Movie – Ever
The most critical video I’ve ever watched was Dr Wayne Dyer’s The Shift, which can be viewed on my personal development page, CLICK HERE
. I have recommended this video to many lost people and I hope they’ve watched it. It’s not a religious type of movie but it helped me to start finding myself. I am so grateful for his wisdom which helped me to stop holding me back. Have a watch and see if you don’t feel the same.
On a final note, I have done a lot of learning about business, which has helped me in everyday life as well. One of my favorite people to watch, learn, and grow from is Gary Vaynerchuk. If you’ve never heard of him, you really need to check him out. He’s a little vulgar so be warned. I love the fact that he says shit like it is with regards to being an entrepreneur as well as a person. I love this guy. You can get to his website by CLICKING HERE
. Check out this video too, it’s one of my favorites.
At the end of it all, one of the best ways that I’ve found to quit those things that are holding me back is to edit myself daily. What do I mean? I think and write about my thoughts so that I can keep my shit together. Most of the time it works, which is better than none of the time right?
Writing has been a major help for my well-being as well. Blogging enables me to write about whatever I want whenever I want and I love that freedom. If you would like to learn more about blogging and if a blog site is right for you, fill out the form below to get my PDF that answers those questions.